I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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