Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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