Sponge bath it is.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
