Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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