hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
