i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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