she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
