I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
