I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
