New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
