dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
