I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
