i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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