So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
