i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
