your parents love me but you hate me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
