We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
