it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
