Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
