we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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