I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
