My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
