She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
