clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
they're like a gay fantastic four
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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