I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
