ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You left your phone here
Wait...
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