Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
