My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
areolas are like halos for boobs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
