Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
