How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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