I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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