i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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