I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
