Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know her cup size but not her name....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
