just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
