so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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