its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
