I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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