ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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