In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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