fuck your aforementioned shoe
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
