and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need help removing her.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
