FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
