And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
