My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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