You just made me feel so damn special
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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