they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
