New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm too high and old for this...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
