I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This toilet bowl is my home.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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