How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
