You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize