You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
