Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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