My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
