I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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