Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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