dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
