I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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