You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
