we're chasing vodka with high fives
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
