She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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