Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
